Have you ever regretted something you’ve done, or left undone? Are there actions you wish you could undo and then do over again? Thought patterns you wish you’d never started?
Most of us probably have many items like that in our past. But the truth is that no matter how much of your current thoughts are occupied with things of the past, those things will never change. You will never be able to go back in time to fix them. So what do you do?
Well, that depends.
If your regret is for some wrong that you did to someone else, or some pain that you caused them, the only way to free yourself is to first go to the person and make things right with them as far as you can. This doesn’t always work out the way you wish it would. Sometimes the person is not willing to forgive you. But there is still healing for you in the step toward restoration. In a few cases it may not be appropriate to go to the person, or the person has died. In every case where you have caused harm, there is the second thing . .
Because the person you harmed is a child of God, you have also hurt Him. Go to Him, confess your wrong, and ask His forgiveness. He has promised forgiveness:
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
Once you have cleared out the muck from your past, what’s left is bad choices, or maybe even good choices that didn’t go the way you wanted them to, situations over which you had little control, times you didn’t have enough information to inform your actions, choices or actions made in haste.
These things are part of being human. These are the things you can lay down along the path of life and walk away from. Yes, you may still bear the consequences of them, and therefore you will not totally forget them, but you can embrace the concept that what’s done is done, that what is in the past needs to remain there. You can choose to live for now.
This is made exceedingly difficult if you cannot forgive yourself. Remember that forgiveness, even toward yourself, if not a feeling, but a choice.
Once you have made restoration to those you’ve harmed and to God, and chosen to lay all the other things down, don’t pick any of them up again! When your mind veers off in that direction, consciously remind yourself that it’s done and over with.
God made us to carry only enough burdens for one day, and no more. If you saw a soldier carrying not only what he needed for the mission he was currently engaged in, but all his worn-out shoes, uniforms, and gear of past missions, you would certainly wonder at his sanity!
But are you doing the same in your emotional and spiritual life? Are you hanging on to the past? It’s excess baggage – let it go!
Inspirational article Pastory Sherry. I am not religious, however the sentiment remains the same – we all benefit one way or the other when we forgive and move on with our lives.
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Hi Marguita,
Thanks! Yes, if we forgive and then move on, life is certainly easier to handle. I’d say we had enough to manage with all the things life throws us without dragging baggage along behind us. And while I certainly factor God into this issue, even someone who doesn’t believe in Him benefits from forgiveness.
Hi Pastor Sherry,
This is a very inspirational post. I believe it applies to everyone. Sometimes we forget that we can let go of the pain and the hurt. We also forget that there is a way to go to resolve the negativity that accumulates in our lives. Thank you for the reminder of how important it is to forgive.
Cheers,
Shanae
Hi Shanae,
We do seem to hold onto things, don’t we? I think it’s part of being human. But our life can be much simpler and joy-filled when we can learn to ask forgiveness for what we have done, and forgive ourselves as well. We don’t have to carry guilt and pain around!
“Sorry” is a very difficult word to say indeed. It requires courage and humbleness. But like you said, when you make amends with someone, the burden is lifted. I remember many, many years ago, I had done something wrong to a friend. It took me a long time before I had the courage to apologize to that person. It was a very humbling experience but it felt really good after that. Thanks for your words of wisdom.
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Hi Lian,
Yes, isn’t it funny how we are so reluctant to admit wrong, but that it’s the very thing that will free us from some of the things in our past? I’m glad you had the courage to take that step in your life. Blessings to you!
How beautiful! Forgiveness is a powerful word. When we forgive, our hearts are lighter. Being a Catholic, I believe in the power of forgiveness and it comes easy for me. That is why my life is a little more lighter and a lot more joyful.
I can honestly say I cannot think of a “regret” in my life. In my religion, we have the sacrament of reconciliation. We “confess” our “sins” to a priest and ask God to forgive us, which he is a forgiving God. It takes a load off my chest when I do little things, like gossip, any other things that may hurt another human or myself.
I know that this is so looked down upon in our society, but it makes me feel good. In fact, I feel like it is better than therapy.
Making peace with God, cleanses your mind and heart. The reminder that I have to asses my life each week, keeps me going.
Sorry for the novel of a reply, but I can go on and on about this. Why? Because it works for me.
Thank you for writing such an inspiring post. I love following you.
Donna Merrill
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No apologies needed for a longer reply — I love your sharing! You are so right — making peace with God does cleanse us. And you obviously “get” what most people miss — that even little things like gossip need to be confessed. The closer we come to God, the more we see things that are not in harmony with His will for us. Even the “little” things that we would like to overlook can be stumbling blocks if we don’t deal with them. Thanks, Donna, for sharing, and for your insight.
I really like this Sherry. We all make choices in life and when we make not so good ones,they will catch up to you.I agree with you on letting go of the past.Bitterness over something that happened can each you alive while the person you are angry with is doing just fine.Let things go and Let God take care of it all.You have some great thoughts Sherry.Thanks for sharing!
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Hi Beverly,
Letting things go is easier said than done, isn’t it! But well worth the effort. Whether it’s someone we have harmed or someone who has harmed us, if we hang onto it and don’t deal with it, it does come out one way or another and we pay many times over. I’m glad God has made provision for us in this area. He wants us to live joyfully!
Great timing Pastor, my wife was just saying to me yesterday that I don’t say sorry enough. Maybe it’s my macho side, but I do have a hard time admitting when I’m wrong and this article really helped me understand the good that will come from it.
I’m a changed man, well at least for now
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Hi John,
So glad this blog was helpful to your relationship with your wife — and that you are a changed man (for now)! It’s not easy to admit that one is wrong. But sometimes in the admission comes a relief at not having to be perfect all the time. Blessings on you!
Outstanding message… how did you know?
Hi Frank,
I didn’t — but God obviously did
I love this quote “Remember that forgiveness, even toward yourself, if not a feeling, but a choice”
It is an absolute choice and not always an easy one.
Peter
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Hi Peter,
Yes, that’s so right. We usually think of it as a feeling, though. But feelings come from thoughts, even if we’re not recognizing the thoughts. And choice belongs to the realm of thought. No, it’s not easy, but it IS worth it once it’s done.
Hello Sherry,
I think everyone of us can hold up our hand to having done something we later regretted, maybe something we said, maybe something we never did and felt we should of.
Since I was a child I was told never to walk away from an argument with someone I cared about and cautioned to imagine how I would feel if I never made up with that person and something awful happened. Ending a conversation on an disagreement was fine so long as we agreed to disagree!
This post serves as a reminder we are all human and not perfect
Sadie-Michaela Harris recently posted..Using PayPal Mass Payment – will save you money!
Hi Sadie,
You were blessed growing up, with instruction on how to maintain relationships even in the midst of disagreement. Since we are all individuals, we certainly won’t agree on many things. So agreeing to disagree is a really useful tool to have in your arsenal!
Pastor Sherry,
This is a nice post and I do not know why I always get emotional when I cool down after a misunderstanding with friend. Honestly, I haven’t been angry with any online friends till recently it happened to me. Sometimes, it is definitely not our fault at all but someone may just bite us. This make me jumped and after few days, I will just get rid of that matter but I find it hard for me to treat that person with sincerity. I can honestly tell you that I have a great gift from God which is unexplainable but it always gives me a good hint before something happened.
With this, I would say, I should treasure the gift from God and try to continue giving my love to that person if he/she is not someone who really do not appreciate me as a friend !
What do you think of my thought, Pastor ?
Cheers
Pearly
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Hi Pearly,
Sorry you had a run-in with an online friend. We’re all very human, so we will think and react differently. When God gives you a sense that something will happen in a relationship, keep treasuring it! And use that gift to be more aware of how a conversation or relationship can go sour. Maybe you can “head it off” (prevent it from turning sour). You’re wanting to continue loving the friend who hurt you is a wonderful attitude! Sometimes (but not always), it helps me if I remember that the person who hurt me has their own “stuff,” their own baggage from the past, their own pain that they deal with constantly. And maybe they are hurting, and it spewed out onto me. That thought helps me to better understand the other person. There’s a saying, “Hurting people hurt people.” It’s true. People who are in pain, hurt others. God bless you, Pearly!
Hi Sherry, I love what you say here “forgiveness is not a feeling but a choice”. Very powerful. And I think forgiveness towards yourself can sometimes be the hardest but when you think of it as a choice not a feeling then it soemhow puts you more in the driving seat.. I love the analogy at the end of the soldier – you’re right, it would be crazy, but sometimes dropping the pyschological ‘kit’ is a lot harder than dropping the physical stuff
Oh wow, Mandy, you’re so right! We can lose the physical baggage MUCH easier than the psychological stuff. Thinking of forgiveness as a choice really does make a difference. If we waited for a forgiving feeling before we forgave, we’d be carrying a lot of bitterness around. I’ve found that forgiveness is also a process — even toward oneself. And as we continue choosing to forgive, the feelings finally follow.
Sherry, Very nice to have someone in our group standing up for Christ. I really enjoy reading your posts. Short scriptures hit home, Even for a Christian of 50 yrs. Thanks again. . .
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Thank you for your comment, Ross! I realize I’m not in a tribe with my own niche, but it’s nice to run into Believers here! May God bless your day!
Interesting post about forgiveness. I was brought up to go to the person I wronged, figure out how to make it right, as an apology without a corrective action is empty. sometimes, I make a mistake and hurt myself; self forgiveness is even harder because there are no clear corrective actions. Thanks, Sybil
Hi Sybil,
How wonderful to be raised in such a way that it is a habit for you to not only apologize, but make restitution to someone you have wronged. That’s a treasure. As for yourself, maybe that’s where trusting God’s love can help. You are His special child no matter what, even when you make a mistake. Once you ask god for forgiveness, then you can trust that He has done that, and it’s easier to let yourself off the hook.
Hi Sherry
Forgiveness can sometimes be difficult to do especially if that particular person keeps repeating their bad habits over and over again. I am the sort of person that I am always easy going and frankly can easily forgive and forget with GOD’s help. It is only if after forgiving over and over again, when I sometimes don’t know if its worth it.
True after a reconciliation whether it be someone you have forgiven or vice versa you feel a huge load of your chest. Great post Sherry.
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Hi Irene,
Thanks for visiting! I hear you. Forgiving is not as hard if it’s once, or even once in awhile. But if someone continually does the same thing to us over and over again, it gets really tricky. If the person is someone in our circle of close relationships, that’s where dependence on God comes in — and maybe some communication. NOT easy, but possible. If it’s someone on the periphery of one’s life, it may be easier to make new friends and move on. I can think of instances where God may want us to stay in the relationship, though, especially if He knows that person needs to see and know love from someone else before they can see it from Him. Going with God is ALWAYS an adventure!