Last time I wrote that it’s how we respond to situations that create problems for us. I talked about reframing situations so that your response to them can change. This can be done in a secular setting, but for one who believes that God desires our healing, the best reframing happens when we allow Him into the process. Here are three ways that have helped me to reframe past or present situations:
First Way:
Ask God to reveal Himself in the experience. Many years ago I was stuck on a devastatingly painful memory. I couldn’t shake it, despite counseling, reading, and begging God to heal me. One day I was in the car by myself, driving through foothills, and a vivid memory came at me. I was so angry at God for letting this event happen, and yelled out in my mind (I’m not much of an out-loud screamer), “SO WHERE WERE YOU, GOD????” Instantly He very quietly spoke to me and said, “I was right there, crying for you.” That’s it. No lightning, no thunder. Just the quiet assurance that of His presence with me at the time of the event. I immediately felt quiet inside. And to this day that memory is healed. God was there, and that was enough to take away the emotional pain.
Sometimes God has given me a Bible text that fits the memory so perfectly. Sometimes it’s music, or words to a song that touch me. He may bring to my mind words that someone has spoken, or draw my attention to something in nature that “speaks” to me. Whatever He chooses to say about a situation reframes that memory for me. Once I sense His presence in the memory, the trauma is gone. This sounds very simplistic, but it works!
Second Way:
A second way to reframe a memory/situation is more cognitive: choose to accept the truth that God still holds your life, and that He will use this situation for your ultimate good. Choose to think about the situation differently, so that you can accept it as something that happened, and that you can’t change. A kind of “Ok, so this is my life; let’s go from here” thing. Your choice is to stop feeling that it’s unfair, to stop bemoaning it or feeling bitter about it, but to move forward, working with what you have.
People who have handicaps can choose to become bitter against their lot in life, or they can choose to make the most of what they still have. A pilot friend of mine, healthy before his airplane accident, has spent countless months in hospitals. Over several years between damage and infections, he has now lost both of his legs. He could be very bitter at life. Instead, he has learned to accept what IS instead of being bitter over what can’t be. He cracks jokes about his condition, and ministers spiritually to other people who are physically whole. He hasn’t come by that acceptance overnight. He will tell you that it took time. But he’s there. And he’s more happy and content than most people.
Third Way:
A third way to reframe a situation is to trust God’s love and provision for a past or present situation, even when physical reality defies that trust. When a job is lost, when illness strikes, when a friend betrays you, even in the midst of grieving a loved one, it is possible to rejoice in God, knowing that ultimately He will make things come around right, even when you cannot see it in the present.
Two friends of mind have each lost her spouse. Both have a close connection with God and because they hung onto God despite outward circumstances, have had similar unusual experiences in their grief. One of them told me: “It was so strange. I was unbearably sad, crying and grieving like the rest of my family, but yet so peaceful. Even at the funeral I felt joy through my tears, knowing I would see my husband again. I grieved the separation. I missed him terribly. Yet underneath the pain I felt a deep peace and joy. I remember thinking how odd this was!” She still misses her husband, but remembers his death as a special time of God’s peace and joy in her life.
Reframing allows God into the memory, experience, or situation. He has not promised to make our path through life a bed of roses, but He has promised to walk with us every step of the way. When the truth of His presence with us is acknowledged, accepted, and embraced, that truth can take the sting out of life’s experiences, and bring us healing.
Please leave a comment below and share with me how these have worked for you, or what other ways to reframe that you have found.
Hey Sherry
Good advice as it is not easy to reframe painful memories.
Whenever I think of something that was a painful experience I always try to turn it around and remember all of the positive experiences related to it.
Peter
Peter Fuller recently posted..How to obtain the Entrepreneurial Mindset
Hi Peter,
Good to see you!
Yes, you are re-training your mind! And it can be done by sheer will power. What I have found though, is that when God is part of reframing a painful memory, He also brings healing. It doesn’t sit for years waiting to pop up and send us back into despair over that memory. Habit patterns, including habitual thoughts, God will also change, but often He allows us to choose and keep choosing to reframe it. Sometimes He takes the thought or habit away instantaneously, but usually the person plays a part in this reframing. So the decision and the action of intentionally thinking of the good things, is right in line with how He works.
For me, every time I remember a painful experience, I smile and then I thank God for giving me the strength to overcome it. Instead of feeling sad about that experience, I try to be grateful to God for without it I wouldn’t be a better person now.
Candice Michelle recently posted..loans in singapore
Hi Candice, Good for you! You’ve learned to look at a painful experience in a different framework — which is what reframing is all about. Every event that happens in our life can be used for good if we allow God to take it. Or we can consider it a tragedy, and become negative, blocking what God wants to do with the situation. If we allow God to use it for good, He will grow us through it, and we will be glad for the growth. God bless, Candice!
All I want to say is thank you so much for your inspiring words and more importantly, for your effort of putting this helpful blog. I am learning from your blog and I could use all the things that I have learned from it to make my life better. God bless and happy weekends!
Candice Michelle recently posted..שיווק סלולרי
Hi Candice,
Thank YOU for commenting, and for your inspiring words! I’m so glad this is helpful for you. I pray that God will work in a mighty way in your life, and bring you to the place where He and you want you to be. A wonderful weekend to you, too!
Hi Sherry,
I can remember God’s presence when I read your post. It is something like a connection which God wants me to visit and read this post. This is to remind me that He is with me everyday and He hears my cry for him too whether in silence or in prayer.
Honestly, I am not a spiritual person but I can never deny the fact that God’s working is always in process whenever there is challenges in my way or whenever I am struggling, He is always there to comfort me.
I love turning myself to God and love every minute spent talking to Him in prayer.
Therefore, your first way is my choice followed by the thrid and I have never thought of the second way !
Thanks so much for this loving article.
Cheers
Pearly
PearlyPQ recently posted..Make Your Money Work Harder For You
Hi Pearly,
I’m glad my blog connects you with God. That’s what I want it to be, so thanks for sharing that!
It sounds like you are more of a spiritual person than you may realize. Maybe it depends on the definition that someone uses. But it sounds like you are very aware of God, that you include Him in your life, and that you have depended on Him to provide comfort. Whatever definition any of us would use, I’m glad you have found God accessible. Have a blessed day!
Thanks for this great post Sherry,
I love it when posts share multiple ways to get somewhere as you have here. It’s so much more powerful than just a quick fix, “make the best of it” type of response. By sharing three ways, they can be used by what the essence of the person or essence of the situation is.
Have you ever studied NLP?
I thought I would ask as Reframing is a key technique that they use. It’s funny, just yesterday I was reading an NLP text that was co-authored by Bob Bodenhamer who is also a pastor. In the book he gives several examples of how he uses NLP with his congregation.
Paul Reimers recently posted..How to Ride a Purple Cow and Stand Out from the Competition
Hi Paul,
Thanks for your comment! I’ve only been introduced to NLP, and have had no real training in it. That was many years ago, but it might be where I came across the term “reframing,” So many people see NLP as a negative thing, a kind of mind-control thing where someone else takes over your mind. But when I learned about it, I thought of it as a kind of re-programing that one could use for negative thoughts and feelings. I’d be interested to see how the author you mentioned uses it with his congregation. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this loving article..Those some good advice it is not easy to reframe painful memories.Thanks again and god bless us!
Celestine recently posted..italian chandeliers
Hi Celestine, and welcome to my blog! These are not the usual ways we think of to reframe memories or situations, but I’ve found that these work even better than the usual ways we are told to try today. God’s way is much simpler and easier to understand — but it’s still hard work. That’s ok, though — we have Him to help us. May God be with you today.
Sherri, thanks for the ideas for healing from painful memories. I love the first suggestion: inviting God into our memories: you did that through very honest prayer. I found this to be true in my life. The other huge factor was being part of an incredible church group that modeled God’s heart of truth, mercy, and grace. Through being able to ‘share’ some of my painful memories and receive prayer, God reached me through key members of that church.
Steve-Personal Success Factors recently posted..Warning: Worrying May Be Good For Your Career!
Hi Steve,
You brought up a really good point — community. God can work mighty things through a group of people who are willing to allow Him to and who are willing to love the hurting person even when the person doesn’t make it easy. I’m so glad you had a place to be nurtured through your healing time.